5 Tips for the Perfectionist Host
Make the sauce. Skip the stress.
Happy Endings is a wildly underrated show worth returning to whenever one (me) has watched too many dark comedies about billionaires. Jane, a primary character, is shamefully relatable, with an overly competitive spirit and a somewhat neurotic sense of perfectionism. Since it’s *just a show* and Jane is *just a character*, she seems to have boundless energy and resources to devote to her perfectionism. It’s enviable. And (as I try to remind myself) unrealistic.
I’ve been struggling with this concept of restraint since my early 20s, when I realized that going “above and beyond” for every single person for every single occasion doesn’t increase my likability. While most do appreciate the effort, a lot of people don’t actually care — in a good way!!
So what is worth going all out for when you’re entertaining? How do you decide what should be store-bought, made from scratch, or sourced from a friend?
5 Tips for the Perfectionist Host:
1. Make a Sauce
A homemade sauce is generally an easy lift that immediately elevates any dish while requiring very few (and generally interchangeable) ingredients. Carla Lalli just came out with a video walking through 3 sauces of the summer and I FULLY endorse her message.
2. Go above and beyond on what inspires you, and outsource the things that stress
I love dinner parties because it gives me the chance to (TW: Sheryl Sandberg quote) lean in to my perfectionism in a satisfying way. I get to be inspired by a recipe, learn something new, and bask in the afterglow of success. So I pick one part of the meal that strikes me as the most inspiring, and put most of my energy into that part.
On the flip side, I don’t want to waste my energy on the parts that feel stressful. For me, it’s often dessert. I’ve since adopted the very easy solution of asking a guest to cover whatever that thing is. It’s resulted in REALLY delicious desserts, and a chance for guests to share the spotlight.
3. Embrace dietary restrictions YOUR way
I’m a carnivore. Steak makes me impossibly happy. I love making my famous roast chicken for guests. However, I live in Los Angeles (land of the vegans) and my girlfriend is a pescatarian!!! I’ve discovered that the most effective way to hold off resentment when making things outside of my dietary preference is finding dishes within each dietary restriction that I truly love. As long as I’m excited to eat it, I’ll be more than stoked to make it. So here are my tried and true dishes for the most common dietary restrictions:
Pescatarians: Sheet Pan Roast Fish with Sweet Peppers
Vegetarians: Vegetarian Tamale Pie
Vegans: Build your own Hummus bowls
Shit ton of grilled seasonal veggies (here’s a great guide on how!)
These lentils from Trader Joe’s
Roasted sweet potatoes
Fresh cilantro + dill
Gluten-Free: Shrimp Tacos Dorados
Multiple Dietary Restrictions: Build your own tacos!!! Corn tortillas are fairly universal and you can provide various fillings, both store bought and homemade, to accommadate everyone.
4. Signature Setting
Setting a beautiful table does not have to be complicated. All you need is:
A white tablecloth. White is important because you can bleach the stains out.
Cloth napkins tied in a knot (see here for reference).
Pick one type of flower (or greenery) and fill the whole vase with it. Less is more for a chic presentation.
2 Taper Candles (like this).
5. Protect Your Bedtime
Your long term sanity and desire to host another party depends on a good night’s sleep. Even if guests are lingering, it is 100% okay and encouraged to usher them out of your home. Thrillist has some tips here.
I’m still learning to host withOUT doing the most. A Pride month picnic I threw recently demonstrates massive progress: I made only ONE DISH, barbecue wraps (…plus a vegetarian version; recipe forthcoming)!! I did a Target pickup order for some cute paper plates and accessories that were more or less on theme. There were many gaps to fill if it was going to be a successful picnic, and I deliberately let other people fill them.
I won’t lie: it did sting a bit when I first arrived and set up my relatively empty table, void of a flower arrangement. But its simplicity was quickly forgotten when everyone else showed up and filled the table with their delicious contributions.
And the thing is, nobody cared about the missing flowers. Even me. In a good way.
Happy Eating!!
Mary